sunnidelight
Official aEstyrian
FOSHIZZLE MY NIZZLE!!
Posts: 79
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Post by sunnidelight on Jun 15, 2004 20:23:50 GMT -5
Phatmastajam,,this ones for you baby!!!
Modems beat women
Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman:
A modem doesn't ask for a commitment if you use it. Getting a modem to obey you is as simple as typing "AT".
When you're done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep without feeling guilty.
A modem won't say a word if you come home late.
A modem can't collect alimony if you decide to dump it.
A modem will always wait patiently by the phone.
You can always get a few bucks for an old modem when a faster model comes out.
A modem doesn't mind if you call another modem.
A virus you catch from your modem doesn't require a trip to the doctor.
You don't have to bring a modem home to meet your parents. If an error occurs, Abort, Retry or Fail are the only options you have to worry about.
Modems come with an instruction manual. Modems have a volume control - you can even turn the sound OFF.
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sunnidelight
Official aEstyrian
FOSHIZZLE MY NIZZLE!!
Posts: 79
|
Post by sunnidelight on Jun 19, 2006 20:43:21 GMT -5
Heres one for Parrot Lovers Like mwa.
A guy decides he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot answers the guy's question, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understood every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh, yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang on to your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it cause of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer, can't you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the price tag: $200. He says. "I can't afford that." "Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with "Nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20, just make an offer." The guy offers 20 dollars and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the mailman..."
"What?" says the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown and began petting her all over," reports the parrot. "My God!!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to lick her body, starting with her breasts slowly going down and down..." The parrot (pauses for a long time...) "What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy. "I don't know," says the parrot, "my dick got hard and I fell off my perch....."
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Post by j13 on Jun 20, 2006 18:34:20 GMT -5
hahaha!
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Post by TRFKKH on Jul 13, 2006 21:02:12 GMT -5
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
Two little people go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first little person, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again ...ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second littler person asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard on."
The second one shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?"
"I couldn't even get on the f...ing bed
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Post by The Machine on Jul 13, 2006 22:00:00 GMT -5
Hah! That's pretty good.
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